Zorp T-Shirt

Alright, you magnificent bastards. You want to be a legend like me? You gotta start with the basics. This ain't just a shirt. This is the foundation upon which your entire, probably terrible, human wardrobe will now be built.

On the front, you got my little alien buddy, Zorp. He's throwing up a peace sign with his weird three-fingered hand, probably trying to apologize for whatever chaos we're about to cause. In his other hand, he's holding the famous glowing purple rock—the good stuff. Wear this, and maybe you'll start hearing the trees whisper your name too. No promises.

We used some kind of special spun human magic on the fibers so the picture of Zorp doesn't look like ass. It's sharp. It's vivid. You can almost see the cosmic mischief in his big alien eyes.

The Details for You Disciples:

Built to Last: It's made of 100% cotton that's tough enough for all seasons in the Canadian woods, but comfy enough for a long nap on your favorite stump. This thing will probably survive a direct hit from one of Zorp's gadgets. Probably.

Prophet-Approved Fit: The fit is classic and relaxed, so it won't get in the way of your gut. The crew neck makes you look... I don't know... timeless, or whatever.

No Itchy Pits: Best part? No side seams. That means nothing's gonna be scratching your armpits when you're trying to do important stuff like roaring at hikers or running from a bear you drunkenly tried to fight.

No Scratchy Neck Bullshit: It's got a tear-away label. You just rip that sucker right off. No scratching. No irritation. Maximum comfort for maximum chaos.

Ethical Crap: I'm told this is made with 100% US cotton that's all ethically grown and stuff. Gildan is part of some "Cotton Trust Protocol," which I guess means it's made more ethically than that yee-yee ass Yeti from the next valley over. So you can feel good while you're funding my next bad idea.

Buy this shirt. It's what a true disciple would do.

- Bigfoot

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EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: Gildan 5000, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Nicaragua

Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Do not iron, Do not dryclean