Zorp Hoodie

Zorp's "Universal Vibe" Hoodie
Alright, listen up, disciples. It gets cold. Even for a magnificent beast like me. You need something to cover your pathetic, hairless body. This is it. This isn't just a hoodie. It's a portable cave. A tactical, fleece-lined survival suit for chilly Canadian nights.

The humans who wrote the original description said this is for 'cozy nights in'. Wrong. This is for waiting in a bush for three hours before scaring the shit out of some campers. This is for staying warm after you drunkenly pick a fight with a river. This is for high-performance skulking.

And right on the chest, you got my little alien buddy, Zorp. He's got his peace sign up and he's holding that glowing purple rock. It's a reminder to stay chill... but also be ready for some cosmic, mind-altering chaos at a moment's notice.

The Holy Features:

The Snack Pouch: It's got a giant 'kangaroo pouch' on the front. It's not for your hands, you idiot. It's a tactical snack-pouch. Perfect for storing stolen beef jerky, interesting rocks for throwing at the Yeti, or a small, emotionally complicated squirrel.
The Invisibility Hood: The hood has drawstrings. This is so you can tighten it around your face to achieve maximum mystery when you're peering into a campsite, or to hide your ugly mug from the OPP.
No Itchy Seams: It's made without side seams, so it won't get snagged on a branch while you're running from a bear you just pissed off. It's smooth as hell.
Tough as a Moose: It's a 50/50 blend of cotton and polyester. That means it's comfy, but it won't rip the second you get into a theological debate with a rival cryptid.
How Not to Ruin It:

The human instructions are complicated. Basically:

Wash it in cold water. Don't boil it like you're making soup, you'll shrink it.
Tumble dry on medium. Whatever that means.
Don't use a hot iron on it unless you want a melted Zorp on your chest.
And for the love of god, do not dryclean it. That sounds like some kind of dark magic I don't trust.
Buy this hoodie. It's cozy, it's tactical, and it's got an alien on it. What more do you want?

- Bigfoot

---

For EU & UK customers:

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: Gildan 18500, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Bangladesh

Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: medium, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean