Zorp Hat

Alright, listen up. Your head is probably ugly and your hair sucks. You need to cover it with something. This is that something.

The humans who wrote the original description said this is for 'beach days' or 'leisurely strolls.' That's bullshit. This hat is for serious business: hiding from park rangers, shielding your eyes while you steal from a cooler, and looking mysterious as hell while you do it.

It's 'distressed,' which is a fancy word for 'pre-worn-in.' I personally fought a wolverine for every single one of these hats to give them that authentic, 'I survived something stupid' look. You're welcome.

On the front, you got my little alien buddy, Zorp. He's stitched right on there, throwing up a peace sign with his weird three-fingered hand. In his other hand, he's holding the glowing purple rock—the good stuff. This hat is basically a warning label and a party invitation all at once.

The Holy Features:

Tough Fabric: Made from 100% cotton twill. That's human talk for 'it's a tough hat that feels good on your skull.'
Comfy Fit: It has an "unstructured design," which means it's floppy and comfortable, not like some stiff, fancy hat a government agent would wear.
Brain Holes: It's got little holes on top for "breathability," so your brain doesn't overheat when you're running from the consequences of your actions.
Fits My Giant Head: The strap in the back is adjustable. So it'll fit your normal human-sized head or my massive, legendary cranium. We're inclusive like that.

How to Clean This Thing:

Are you kidding me? It's pre-distressed! If it gets dirty, it just adds more character. If you absolutely MUST clean it because you spilled poutine or something on it, use warm water and dish soap on the spot. Don't be a baby and soak the whole thing.

Get this hat. Cover your shame. Find your inner peace... and chaos.

- Bigfoot

---

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: District DT600, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Care instructions: Use warm water and dish soap and clean spots off your hat. It's not necessary to soak the whole item. For hard to clean spots use a soft bristled brush.