Stay Hairy Hoodie

The Official "STAY HAIRY" Survival Hoodie

Alright, you hairless apes. Listen up. You get cold. It's pathetic, but it's a fact. This isn't just a hoodie. This is your official uniform for not freezing your ass off during a harsh Canadian winter while you're out doing legendary shit.

The humans who wrote the original description said this is for "lounging at home." Wrong. This is for when you're stalking through the woods on a chilly night. It's for when you've just been thrown in a river by a bear and need to not die of hypothermia. This is a survival tool.

It's got my personal philosophy printed on it: "STAY HAIRY." It's the most important advice you'll ever get. It's not a suggestion; it's a command. It's a way of life.

The Legendary Features:

Built Tough, Feels Soft: It's made of some 50/50 magic human blend of cotton and polyester. That means it's soft on the inside, but tough enough on the outside that it won't rip when you're wrestling a wolverine for a half-eaten sandwich.
The Tactical Snack Pouch: It has a giant pouch on the front. That ain't for your dainty little hands. It's for supplies. You can fit at least three stolen apples, a handful of questionable mushrooms, and maybe a small, resurrected squirrel in there. I've checked.
The Hood of Mystery: The hood has strings. You can pull 'em tight to hide your ugly face when you're stealing from a campsite or want to look extra mysterious and brooding.
Seamless for Action: It's made without side seams. That means it won't snag on a branch when you're running for your life from the consequences of your own terrible decisions.

How to Take Care of Your Holy Robe:

I don't know, throw it in a creek? The human instructions say machine wash cold. Don't boil it, you'll shrink it into something only Zorp could wear. You can put it in a "tumble dry" on medium, whatever the hell that is. Just don't iron it, and don't you dare "dryclean" it. That's some yee-yee ass Yeti magic right there.

Buy the hoodie. Stay warm. Stay Hairy.

- Bigfoot

---

For EU & UK customers:

EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY

Product information: Gildan 18500, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC

Warnings, Hazard: For adults, Made in Bangladesh

Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: medium, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean